A Conversation With ‘The Rock’ On His Birthday

Hey there Dwayne! Looking good as usual!

Aww, don’t be bashful, you know you’re a hot piece. And hey, it’s your birthday today!

Uhhh. what’s the matter, are you not happy it’s your birthday?!

You’re sad that time is passing you by and you’re getting old?! What? That’s ridiculous!

Oh come on, don’t look so sad! You look great for your age and so far, you’ve had a pretty amazing life!

Don’t look at me like that. I’m serious! Put on your thinking face, let’s think back at all the great things that has happened so far…

That’s quite possibly the best thinking face I’ve ever seen. Anyways, remember the time you won something or other and the crowd cheered and you had your shirt off and every woman in the world cheered?

Or how about the time you got famous for your raised eyebrow? So much so that it became a ‘thing’ that people had to have you do in every picture.

Or what about that one time where you were at the beach and oops! You forgot your trunks but you said screw it and went into the water anyways? Blue jeans and all because you my man, you don’t give a fuck! Am I right?!?! Hell yah, you’ll wet your jeans and you’ll smile about it like you did it on purpose!

Or how about the times you DID remember your swim trunks and laughed to yourself about how silly you were for forgetting them in the first place?

And then there was that time we played a game of hide and seek and no one could find you???

You’re so good at hide and seek! I thought you were a coat rack for reals. And I’m sure you didn’t forget about the time when there was a long line to get chicken wings and you were so hungry, you ripped off your shirt, scared everyone away and then wala! No more line! Bring on the chicken wings!

And I don’t think you know this, but the Domino’s delivery person was so happy you answered the door with your shirt off.

Granted, he was straight when he first knocked on your door but afterwards, he left a rainbow trail in your yard as he skipped back to his car. See how awesome it’s been so far? And just think, you have a lot more awesome to come!

I mean sure there’s some stuff you’d rather forget, like when Vin Diesel followed you around like a lovesick puppy wanting to be you but you didn’t have the heart to tell him he was about 10 inches too short in the height department? You are so nice….and patient.

But despite Vin and his attempt to have a bromance with you, it’s been pretty great right? Even the little things, like the time you got that free sandwich from Subway because the manager recognized who you were? Wasn’t it a pretty big sandwich? I forget, how big was it?

Right! And you got it for free, all because you were just being you and people like you! So you see? It’s a good thing that it’s your birthday! Smile!!!

Come ooon…smile a little bigger birthday boy!

Perfect! It was nice talking to you Rock, we’ll see you soon..

oh and have a great birthday …..GRANDPA!

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