If you haven’t heard about the latest love/hate song of the month, “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen, then let us be the first to introduce you to this annoyingly catchy pop tune:

We have to admit, we found it kind of catchy, kind of cute and not nearly as annoying as ‘Friday.’ But lyrically .. it’s just awful.  If the movie Fatal Attraction was remade into a tween movie, this song would be on its soundtrack. (Crap. Did we just give Hollywood a remake idea?) But let’s focus on the positive shall we?  There IS a cute guy in the video who ALMOST borders on cheesy but not enough for us not to exploit it just a little tiny bit for our amusement.  In our opinion, the guy video ho made the song a lot more palatable.

And while we’re at it, we also added in some alternative topics that we thought would’ve been less pathetic and a lot more fun to sing about.

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I’ve got a prosthetic leg, can you unscrew it maybe?

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I’ve got the itchy shingles, can you put  ointment on it, maybe?

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but can I have your sweaty underwear, for later?… To sniff,…. maybe?

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I just shit on the passenger seat of your car,  you’re into that right? Maybe?

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I stole a used condom from you and now I’m pregnant with your baby.

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I just sniffed some bath salts and I think your face looks tasty.

Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I just boiled your bunny rabbit, want some hasenpfeffer for dinner maybe?